Wednesday, October 21, 2009

10\21\09 ~ When life throws you lemons, you can't use them!

Today was a down day, with one major up that may or may not be an up. The bad stuff that happened, though, wasn't bad, but it hurt me.

The main bad thing of my day was this morning on the way to school. I don't exactly remembered how it started, but my best friend, was all, "Good thing you're not in debate ((club)), because you suck at debating." On a regular basis, I probably would not care that much, but it always seems to be that way with her. She's always telling me I'm not good at grounders, or arguing, or whatever. I never say anything like that! Also, she said that I was going to need to be good at debate to become a doctor.

So, in a way, she was saying I probably wouldn't be good in my future career. To that, responded I would have to make difficult choices, and she said that was debating. Since I'm not the type who likes arguing, I kept my mouth shut. I hate causing problems. Plus, she's suppose to be my best friend. What kind of friend says stuff like that? Like, not in a joking way. She was dead serious when she said it. She also knew that I had been feeling pretty crappy earlier in the week because of my stepdad not treating me like his daughter despite the fact he has been my "dad" since I was four, and him calling my mom names I shall not mention in this blog.

She knew I had a pile of things on my chest, and I tend to keep things to myself. I hate complaining, and pity parties; I'm generally a happy person, contrary to popular belief. This just added to it. I have my own opinions, but when shesays that I'm wrong in such a condescending way makes me feel like dirt. I've already felt that way in the past four days. My stepdad also tends to tell me wrong opinion wise. But, I'm entitled to think my own way...right? But, it hurt more on the way to school, and I felt like I was going to start crying. I hate crying...and yelling. It makes me feel weak, that I'm not strong enough to stop myself from doing either.

The only reason why I didn't was because I thought of things that the main characters in books had to go through to make it seem like I was obsessing over nothing...which I kind of was I guess. My opinions aren't that big of a deal... But, when I'm upset, I usually read to make my problems seem meek in comparison of those of others. Books are the most comforting, best friend I'll probably ever have. They're always there for me.

The good thing of my day was when Mrs. Bull, my English teacher, told me about CBC's Literary contest. The winner of which wins $6000, and gets PUBLISHED! Personally, I'd rather recieve publication than win some money, but I'm still going to enter. I want to be a writer, and I'm going to enter a poem, or a few...the entry has to be 1000 or some odd words. I want to be published so, so, so bad. To see my work in print because some publisher somewhere liked my writing would mean more to me than winning the lottery.

The sad thing about it, though, is it costs $20 to enter, and money is tight right now. I'm still going to write a poem, despite my stepdad's saying I might not be able to enter. If I don't, I will probably send my stuff somewhere, because I want to get published. I want it so, so, so bad.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

~Green Eyed Dreamer

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